Monday, September 25, 2006

Blame Bill, Everybody Else Does (REVISED 10/3 with KO Commentary)

I have found the answer, my friends. Thanks to Fox "News," I have that for which I sought all my life - the ultimate excuse.

That ubiquitous entity responsible for all things that are wrong -
  • in my life,
  • my relationships
  • my church
  • local, state and federal governments
  • the world
  • for the rover crashing on Mars a few years ago (apparently, there was a math problem)
  • for "Mission:Impossible III" underperforming at the box office (cause heaven knows it wasn't that freak show of a lead actor that had anything to do with it)
  • for Memphis losing to UCLA in the Great Eight last spring
  • for 9/11
  • for Jay Leno getting David Letterman's job
  • for gas prices being so high (but strangely falling like a rock just weeks before election day...hmmm)
  • For "Law and Order" moving to Friday night instead of staying on Wednesday where it belongs
  • for Katie Couric going to CBS (which is really just fine by me)
  • for the war in Iraq
  • for Kathie Lee Gifford, nuf said.
  • for World War II
  • for why people watch such idiotic shows as "American Idol" and "Survior"
  • for the Civil War
  • for why I'm overweight and hypertensive
  • for why people don't take their clothes to dry cleaners anymore (o.k., this one may be true)
  • for Watergate
For every problem I have had or the world will ever have has one commonality at root, and I'm so glad I can have someone else to blame for everything under the sun than to take any responsibility for myself, thereby perpetuating the illusion that I'm above it all.

That's right, folks - It's Bill Clinton's fault.

That SOB, I knew it.

Here's KO's take -


Kathy B said...

They (FOX NEWS) can say it's Bill's fault all they want, but they should keep in mind my favorite bumper sticker of the moment: "At least when Bill lied people didn't die."

Johnny Jeffords said...

I feel ya, sister!