Six years ago this very morning, around 4:30 a.m., my sister in law called with the news of my brother's death. As it was today, it was a Saturday. What happened between that Saturday and Monday afternoon is burned in my memory. I don't dwell on it, but there are moments such as today when it's unavoidable.
My thoughts of Jimmy this week have been of what was. The kid I knew. The pain in the neck he enjoyed being for me. The attention and love he long sought from me that while present, was never quite as much as either of us needed...and yet, we were both too damn proud to admit it.
I've written extensively about Jimmy and processing my grief in the years since his death...they're all labelled "Jimmy." For this year, I pause, remember my kid brother, and shake my head that it's been six years. He'd be 40 this year, and I would have so enjoyed rubbing that in.