22

Part of processing the death of my mother, on this day as I recall the death of my brother, is that as I look at this very groovy 1973 pic, now 53 years later, there’s just two of us left on this side of Glory. It’s a very disorientating feeling. And even as I celebrate their reunion, the sense of loneliness can overwhelm.  

Most of my life, when it’s become too much, my pattern is to exile myself from the world I occupy.  Driven by fear, or shame, or insecurity, self imposed isolation was a coping mechanism. Not a healthy one, mind you, and I’m grateful for resources I can call on to keep me present, that I’ve never had until recent years. But choosing to be alone is very different than being lonely.  It took me almost 62 years to be orphaned.  That is a blessing. And it still sucks.  

From now on, Jimmy, you’ve got Mom and Dad with you, and I am so glad.